Thursday, February 14, 2008

A List of Radically Inappropriate Gifts

These are all radically inappropriate. I think the first one is my favorite.

1. A dozen puppies.

2. A box of morning after pills.

3. Worm-farm starter-kit.

4. Howler-monkey mix-tape.

5. Apples from Chernobyl.

6. A slap on the back.

7. Swastika sneakers.

8. Half a cheeseburger.

9. A garbage bag full of leaves.

10. A sockful of pig iron

11. Do-it-yourself milk pasteurizer.

12. Crude heroin.

13. This isn't an item on the list, but it's an amusing anecdote anyway. When my brother Rob and I were little kids, we had no resources with which to purchase real gifts during holidays, so instead we would parcel out random kid-possessions as gifts. For Christmas I gave Rob a creased paperback, and he gave me a golf ball.

1 comment:

  1. The best Secret Santa gift ever, which I gave to a complete stranger last year:

    1. Crack pipe
    2. Cat toy

    I still run into this guy every so often, and we continue to not be friends, but regard each other awkwardly, him wondering if I smoke crack, or think he smokes crack, or if we both smoke crack, and which of us has a crack-smoking it. Probably not.